How's It Gonna Be Series Part Two
by Pain Not the Measure of Mercy
Summary: A series of one-shot songfics about the rocky relationship between Randy Orton and Mickie James. Part Two: This Wasn't How It's Supposed to Be


Author's Note: So this is the first time I have ever tried writing a story in the first person. Eh I think it turned out ok. To everyone who is reading Sweet Bitter Words I promise I am going to try to update tonight. Thank you all in advance for any input or encouragement. Love and let me know what you think.

* * *

**_This Wasn't How It's Supposed To Be _**

I had the dream again. I keep having this same dream that he and I are on a beach and everything is going fine then the sky turns black, it starts to rain and he's gone. I am left all alone. Trish is chatting away about the dream she had last night. I think I might have caught something about romantic and Jeff but I'm not sure. God I wish my dreams were as simple as hers, but they're not, I probably need one of those damn dream books to understand what mine mean. Then again I really don't want to know. My thoughts turn to my job, it's 2pm and I have to be at the arena in an hour.

There is a meeting today. We all sit around and listen to Stephanie's speech about ratings and storylines, I don't pay attention. I've heard it all before, besides I am much more worried about something else. She announces that Randy Orton is making his return, tonight. He will be looking for me. That is not announced, I just know.

_You said yourself before  
Where are you?  
I'm needing you much more  
I bet you never knew _

Raw has just ended and I'm still at the arena. I tell myself its because I'm waiting for Trish but that's a lie. I will see her back at the hotel. No, the real reason I am still standing here is I am hoping maybe just to see him. I haven't seen him in months. Finally, after getting tried of just standing around I turn to leave and then I finally do see him. It looks like he was walking towards me. He doesn't really look that different but just to make sure it's really him and that I am not hallucinating I call out his name.

"Randy?"

I feel tears building in my eyes. Fuck! Why am I crying! Stop it! In my head I am screaming and yell at myself to stop looking like such a baby. He hasn't said anything yet, he just looks really sad. Finally his mouth opens and the words I have wanted to hear for so long flow out.

"I'm sorry Mickie."

_And now everything  
is gonna fall apart  
I need you here  
not just in my heart _

I honestly can't believe the words came out of his mouth. I waited so long to hear them and now I am just in utter shock. We stand silent for a moment, not the uncomfortable nothing to say silence but the I understand and we need a moment to process everything silence. Finally after all our thoughts are collected he opens his mouth to speak again.

"We have a lot of things to talk about. You want to grab something to eat?"

I have the same feeling I did the night he first asked me out. The butterflies in my stomach are starting to appear and I'm sure if I stand here any longer I'm going to start grinning like an idiot. I make the excuse that I need to go change into 'street clothes' and tell him I'll meet him in twenty minutes. Halfway back to the locker room I realize I have just made a date with my ex-boyfriend. Idiot! Don't you remember how much of a jackass he was! No, come to think of it I don't because he wasn't horrible until the injury. But when it was bad…

_This wasn't how it's supposed to be  
[In loving memory  
And now I'm torn with misery  
[In loving memory  
I won't forget you please don't me  
[In loving memory  
This wasn't how it's supposed to be  
[In loving memory _

I keep telling myself as I change that nothing is going to happen. It's just a talk, nothing is different. If he can change just like that once then he could have no problem doing it again and I just can't have my heart ripped out like that again.

The dinner starts out with the normal pleasantries. How's your life it's been awhile, blah blah blah. In my mind I am just thinking come on Randy you know how much I hate it when people are fake and everything about this conversation screams contrived. I guess he senses my frustration because he quickly changes the subject to what we were actually here to talk about. Our failed relationship.

_You said yourself before [fore  
Where are you?  
Face down on the floor  
I bet you never knew._

Next comes the part I hate, the conversation about what went wrong. We danced around it as long as we could but you can only ignore the elephant in the room for so long. Thankfully he finally just gives in.

"Mickie, I know I was a jackass. I truly am sorry. It's just I felt like shit and I-"

I'm screaming in my head that it's no excuse but my mouth never opens. To be honest I don't really know what I am thinking right now. I've been telling myself for months now that I am not in love with him but I doubt that's true. He's still apologizing and I feel like a bitch for not truly listening but at this point it doesn't really matter what he says, I've already made up my mind.

_And now everything  
is gonna break again  
If it just began  
why did it have to end?_

"… I just wish you'd give me another chance."

His speech is done, I only know because his lips have stopped moving. It is silent, dead silent. Finally I feel my lips moving and I barely here the words coming out.

"Randy, I don't think that's a good idea."

What!? That's not at all what I was thinking! What am I saying? I open my mouth to correct myself but nothing comes out. It's like that movie Lair, Lair only instead of not being able to lie I can't tell Randy how I really feel.

_This wasn't how it's supposed to be  
[In loving memory  
And now I'm torn with misery  
[In loving memory  
I won't forget you please don't me  
[In loving memory  
This wasn't how it's supposed to be  
[In loving memory_

I guess my mind is trying to keep me from making what it thinks is a huge mistake. Looking in Randy's eyes I can tell he is crushed by what I said and truth be told so am I. My brain keeps telling me it's for the best then reminding of those last couple of months. I try to shut it off but it just won't go away.

_It won't go away  
It won't go away  
It won't go away  
It won't go away_

_It won't go away  
It won't go away  
It won't go away  
It won't go away _

Finally I give up. I can't stand the look in Randy's eyes any longer. I grab my purse and make a run for it. I can't look back because I'm sure if I did his look would kill me. Today started out so well. This isn't how I imaged how this night would end. This wasn't how it's supposed to be.

_This wasn't how it's supposed to be  
[In loving memory  
And now I'm torn with misery  
[In loving memory  
I won't forget you please don't me  
[In loving memory  
This wasn't how it's supposed to be  
[In loving memory_


End file.
